When we study sexuality, our own cultural concepts and expression
of sexuality influence who we study and what we find. Our cultural
lenses also influence which forms of sexual attitudes, behaviours,
communication and expressions are true, real and acceptable to us. For
many people, other interpretations and expressions of sexuality that are
not in accordance with their own views and beliefs of what sexuality
should be are regarded as "dangerous," are looked on with suspicious
askance or are sternly disapproved.
An interview I recently
participated in as a cross-cultural interpreter left me frustrated and
feeling hopeless about the possibility of there ever being a solution to
how to confront harmful African cultural practices that fuel the spread
of HIV. The Western interviewer I was assisting, despite my cultural
briefing prior to the meeting still assumed that Africans share Western
vulnerability, longing and anxiety associated with sexual performance.
In
North America, the next biggest thing in sexuality is orgasm. Men and
women of all ages are so obsessed with orgasms that whole sections in
local bookstores are dedicated to a single-minded focus on the mechanics
of sex -as though new bedroom breakthroughs are being made every day.
There
are many today who believe that with the right technology, the West is
about to discover the secrets of eroticism the same way they cracked the
atom.
Naturally the interview came round to "Do African women
experience orgasms during sex?" I was not surprised when the African
women said "no we don't have orgasms." First of all Africans don't like
talking about sex with people they barely know. Having been exploited
for centuries and their ways and cultures being despised too many times
by those who claim to come as friends, they are now often rather
reserved and suspicious and unwilling to share what they consider a
sacred aspect of their culture. And secondly, most African women will
not ask for further clarification because Africans don't talk directly
about sex. And sure enough, in the African typical way of not asking
questions to clarify all doubts in the initial meeting, and then coming
up with a whole bunch of questions and suggestions later, the women
wanted me to explain what an "orgasm' means.
Many said they
thought that an orgasm is a "white women's thing." But the part that
left me frustrated and feeling a mixture of amusement, indignation and
hopelessness was the Western interviewer's attitude when I tried to
explain to her that in most African languages there is no one word that
means "orgasm." Her response was "that is because African women never
have orgasms. If they did, they'd have a word for it."
I happen to
fluently speak at least five African languages and I don't know of any
word that means orgasm in any of the languages I speak. I have asked
many Africans including some from North Africa and they tell me they
don't know one word that means "orgasm" in their languages either. Does
this them mean "African women never have orgasms?"
When we African
women talk about sex amongst ourselves, we also talk about being
"satisfied," "releasing the flood" or "busting the bubble" (having an
orgasm). The word "release the flood" comes from the amount of sexual
fluid that is released during sex and especially during orgasm. In
Uganda for example, there are women from certain cultures and ethnic
groups who have been rumoured to release so much sexual fluid that
motels and hotels in those regions cover their mattresses in polythene
to save them from soaking wet all over.
More over in these
mentioned cultures, the "technique" used is NOT penetration but rhythmic
circular stroking of the clitoris. There are many songs and jokes about
taking a washing basin and mop into the bedroom and "teasing the thing
until it rains." Yet we don't see research done or books written about
African exhilarating 'wet sex" that soaks two people in sexual fluids
(and sometimes glues them together). All we see is written about African
women's sex lives is about the barbaric nature of "dry sex." Moreover
"dry sex" is not a common practice but something which happens in very
isolated cultures. Some African women say the amount of fluid released
during sex is preciously the reason they wipe themselves dry.
Little
research mentions that African women are more likely to have an orgasm
than women from cultures in which sex is performed with the linear or up
and down movement with the man simply thrusting the same spot over and
over. Africans perform sex the way they dance; gyrating, undulating and
wiggling either in the same direction or opposite direction.
Coordinating forward thrusts with rotating the waists in time together
stimulates the clitoris and increases the chances of the penis hitting
the G-spot, not once but many times. Sexual encounters last longer and
peak moments can be prolonged beyond bliss, into ecstasy. That is why
learning how to twist the buttocks and pelvis in rapid circular
movements is almost mandatory in African cultures. The flexibility,
rhythm and coordination, body articulations (moving different parts of
the body in isolation and then together), the passion and force (a.k.a
lock and grind) and the abandon with which an African man or woman
dances says a lot about his or her erotic abilities.
Many African
women (I speak for the women because I get to talk to hundreds of them
from east to west Africa, south to central Africa), understand that
there is more to sex than having mind-blowing orgasms. African women
understand and accept that it is wonderful to have orgasms sometimes,
but for most of them the most important, most satisfying pleasure is the
fusion of two bodies and spirits as often as possible. They are not
worried about whether or not they will have an orgasm. "We are not
concerned about how we are performing, how we look in this or that
Victoria Secret number or how long we can put up with the strip tease or
stage performance" said one woman. "We are so deeply engrossed in the
what we are doing until we lose it."
African cultures have what is
called "losing one's mind," "moment of truth" or "small death" and
other phrases difficult to translate into English. This is a concept
unknown to most Western cultures and has only recently started to be
talked and written about in North America, as wholistic sexuality,
Tantric sex, Taoist sex and many other fancy New Age lingo. But for many
Africans, this is simply sex and good sex to be specific.
The
words "losing one's mind," "moment of truth" or "small death" make
reference to the person having no clear recollection of what exactly
transpired and only hearing about it from sexual partners who might
tease about it. Most Africans say that all they might remember is that
it was like being in another world "far away from here." "Loosing one's
mind" may involve talking in gibberish, singing, sobbing loudly,
laughing hysterically, temporarily fainting or some other unusual
expression. The African's "losing the mind" during sex is not the same
thing as the Western notion of "savage sex"; grabbing, slapping,
panting, scratching, biting, pushing, licking, pulling and all the
bestial behaviours and noises. "Loosing" one's mind is about quieting
the "chatter" of the mind and being so completely immersed in the moment
that one experiences an ecstatic state. In the true western fashion of
"labeling" this might be understood as "trance" state. Again for the
African, it's just good sex.
It might therefore come as a shock to
Western researchers and Educated African urbanites (or modern Africans)
to know that some African women reach orgasms without any sexual
contact at all. No man around, no sexual touching or manipulation of
sexual organs using fingers or sexual toys. As part of "pleasure'
education curriculum at Puberty Rites of Passage to Adulthood, young
women train their vaginal muscles to contract and ripple when they are
squeezed. The rippling causes a kind of squeezing and releasing action
that starts at one end and moves along the vagina. In lovemaking this is
felt by the penis as a milking affect (some men scream out loud when
milked). Because there are so many overlapping muscle groups in the
pelvis area, they can isolate themselves and the owner can operate them
in isolation. When the vaginal muscles are in very good shape, an
initiated African woman can have an orgasm sitting right in front of you
and saying "no, I don't have orgasms."
Every human being - white,
brown and black - has the ability to experience sexual ecstasy, we only
have to remove the blocks that hamper our ability to let go, surrender
over to the power of the unknown and unknowable and engage life on its
own terms.
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